Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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