I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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