Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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