Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
