had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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