I wish my penis had an off switch
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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