Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dicks are not precious.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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