I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
