I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
