hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
