I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
