But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
