His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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