so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
