man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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