So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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