I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
