It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
