At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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