Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
