I wish life had little blips of pornography
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
