Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, beer. Big fan.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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