Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
