I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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