my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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