That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
