my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
