is your mom at the bar?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am naked and annoyed.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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