In the future we'll all be gay
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
