apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
