Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.

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(518): View more from New York

Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.

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(620): View more from Kansas

Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?

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(251): View more from Alabama

I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.

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(330): View more from Ohio

my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?

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