Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
