I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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