Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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