I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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