I think I died a long time ago.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Bring me that man meat
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
