Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
