Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
