I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
