Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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