Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
