I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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