i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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