I want to walk on stilts...naked
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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