I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
