Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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