Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
