9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
