you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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