East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
