then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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