Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
