Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
