nut hugger
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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