Having a random hookup so left but love u
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
