shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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