Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
